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America vs. The World

The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart. — Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Republicans Lie, Or How I Created Deal Breakers and Learned I Really Love Liberals

In honor of her day off, Mandasaurus brings Friday Chick Blogging to a - eeeek! - Monday. It's sure to cure your case of the Mondays or bring brightness to your celebration of Columbus and the woe he brought to America in 1492.

I'm open to just about anything. I give peace a chance. I try new and different foods. I read Parade Magazine on Sundays alongside the Washington Post Magazine (this proves openness, somehow).

But in the wide, wacky world of dating, I've drawn the line. Every dating person has a list: deal breakers. I won't date Republicans. And actually, I don't date people with strict loyalty to silly parties like the Green Party, Libertarians and the others. I also don't date people who spoil things for others by revealing information like who dies in the Harry Potter books.

This is not harsh. It's essential. My experience has taught me the wisdom of deal breakers.

Here's a secret. In college I had a Republican Crush. My R.C. seemed fun, had goofy hair, and let me visit an election returns party for his Republican club as a reporter. Months later I met the R.C. again at a bar. My friend's friend was dating his friend. So, the Republican and I chatted, flirted, drank cocktails and smooched. Whoa, I thought, I could date this cool Republican*.

Weeks later the R.C. (widely known henceforth by a much meaner nickname) lied to his friends about me! He told his friends terrible lies about me. He attacked my character. He told people I really liked him, which obviously was impossible. I don't like liars who besmirch me.

In short, the R.C. acted like a Republican. He told lies and made a smart, sassy, awesome woman appear to be a foolish, slutty idiot. Of course my friends didn't believe the Republican's nonsense, and I couldn't really blame him. It's like blaming a snake for biting. That's what snakes do, silly mouse.

Years later, I dated a sweet engineer who brought me flowers and drank Bass Ale. We got along like peas and carrots (he cooked me lasagna!) until the U.S. invaded Iraq. Quickly, I ended things. And then he called.

"Did you break up with me because I'm a Republican?" he asked, as the start of my first and only breakup debriefing.

"Oh, well, hmmmm. Yes," I replied, eventually.

I also refused to continue dating a Libertarian who asked me out on a bus and admitted he was balding over beers. And Bostonian claimed he "thought things over and now changed" into a Democrat. That won him my phone number, but no smooching.

Whenever I hear Republicans lie, I can't help but think back to my crush. It's wrong and it's hurting America, but I can't expect a tiger to change his stripes, not in dating at least.

But here's the lesson. We Americans can expect congressmen, appointed officials and public servants to change their stripes. It's their job. Lying isn't cool. It's not cool to lie about a hot chick. And it's really not cool to lie about whether you know about a congressman flirting with underage pages.

What I'm saying is that honesty is the best policy.

And while we're being honest, as bad as Republicans are at telling the truth -- they're really bad kissers.

* That's a trick! And it's a sign I wasn't thinking logically. Republicans aren't cool.


Anonymous tet said...

I tend to make some fairly wild statements here and in Billy Joe and Brian's blog. If you met me in person, you'd find that I'm (usually) not a wild-eyed degerate Unibomber type.

Be that as it may, in reply to 'Manda's column and in preparation for election day, I want to mention *why* I'm a small-L libertarian.

If one accepts the notion, as I do, that a human being has a near infinite capacity for corruption, it is in the best interests of myself, my family, my community and the human race to limit the damage that he/she can do by being in a government.

Therefore, the fewer laws and government powers, the less the opportunity to do evil.

PJ once said that giving Congress power was like "giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." I agree totally.

The difference between liberals and conservatives is that they want to pass laws to improve the world (in the particular way that the half of the population they represent believe.) Both want MORE laws and MORE power. Bad, bad idea, and something that may not be rectified until the days of personal nuclear weapons (or nanotech) arrive in a generation or so.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any such blanket statements are both ignorant and pointless. Liberals like to paint themselves as open-minded and progressive, but you are taking a step backward in your universal disdain for anyone who doesn't label themselves liberal.

Blogger Chance-86 said...

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman...Monica Lewinsky"
I didn't know that liars exclusively belonged to one party or the other.

I have often wondered if politics attracts corrupt people, or if politics simply corrupts people. you show me an honest politician with unfaltering morals and standards and I'll show you my hot blue dress with a little "Pope-juice" on it....
I'm just sayin

Blogger Mandasaurus said...

My disdain isn't universal. I just refuse to share myself with people whose beliefs run so contrary to mine. I don't think it's a minor thing that republicans deprive poor children of education and healthcare. I don't think that my civil liberties are unimportant.

People who believe that poor kids should pull themselves up by their bootstraps or that civil liberties should be sacraficed for blurry ideas of security are unthoughtful and wrong, in my view.

I won't vote for people like that and I certainly won't kiss people like that.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

However you feel like rationalizing, the amount of stereotyping in your post is ridiculous. I take that back. You're right. All republicans want starving children to be smooshed in the gutter.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, may I remind you all that it was the Republican party that was the original party of Civil Rights, Women's Suffrage and a whole host of other rights and dreams that we now appreciate. May I also remind you that this I hate republican rhetoric is exactly what Alex Sanger, Grandson of Margaret Sanger warned liberals about with the war on choice. You have to understand that not all moderate pro-choice republicans can respect democrats who spout about things they know nothing about. Thusly as a liberal probably pro-choice woman that it was Alex Sanger who said that moderate republicans are this countries greatest untapped natural resource of support. So please, remember that nothing gets done in this country without both parties working together and as someone who worked on the Hill, I think I know a thing or two about this. I didn't vote for George Bush and I am not proud of voting for John Kerry either. We have not seen a charismatic moral moderate leader since god knows when. Perhaps Truman or Ike. Regardless, we make due with what we got. What we got ain't much. So please, stop the hysterics. Republicans are people too. Chances are you probably have more in common with a lot of us than you do with your supposed democrats.

Anonymous Harriet Youngmark said...

I agree with you about Republicans. I have to get along with Republican family members like my brother.

I DON'T have to associate with others whose values are so far from mine.


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