Whew, that was a close one. The summer must be getting away from me, because I almost missed one of my favorite holidays. That's right, it's flag burning time!

Every year around now, Congress tries to amend the Constitution to prohibit flag burning, and I like to celebrate by tossing Old Glory on the coals. Ah, the sweet stench of burning nylon — smells like freedom.

I'm going to especially enjoy my flag roasting this summer, because it looks like the amendment might actually pass the Senate this time. Who knows, by this time next year my favorite holiday could be illegal!

Anonymous Liberal thinks this might be the dumbest law ever, but I disagree. The Bill of Rights has never been amended in the 214 years since it was first ratified, and I think there's a lot of ways it could be improved. Take the Third Amendment, for example:

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Bor-ing. How about:

No Professional Team shall, in times of baseball, keep quartered on their Squad a player designated solely for hitting.

The Second needs to go, too. There are more important things than arms nowadays:

A well contented populace, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and watch Oprah, shall not be infringed.

What about you, got any suggested improvements to that musty old Bill of Rights?